Dailor Muun
by maxcell
Summary: A look at the pitiful.....pitiful humor in this section resulted in the spawning of this............thing. If you think the english version of Sailor Moon is corny you'll like this. And if Rei isn't your favorite character you'd better brase yourself.....


Dailor muun.  
  
  
  
A/N: READ THIS FIRST! If you think that the English version of Sailor moon sucks compared to the Japanese version , Then you'll love this fic ^^………….And all you Rei fans out there……..you'll REALLY love this fic! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Before you read I warn you……….there is a little "Bashing" going on here. But don't get me wrong, I'm a big Sailor moon fan! And I like all the characters……By reading this fic you'll know that my favorite character is Rei. And while reading you'll begin to notice some things about Jupiter…….but regardless of what you read I THINK JUPITER ROCKS!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter one: Fell the wrath of my caffeine use!!!!!  
  
(The story opens with the Sailor moon opening and a really annoying opening theme. After it's over the words "Sailor moon" appear on the screen. And an announcer says: "Dailor Muun!" because his English sucks)  
  
(The scene begins at Lita's (Yes I'm using her American name because It sounds better.) house. Everyone looks really happy except for Rei who has a pissed look on her face.)  
  
Ami: WHEEEEE!!! We are minding are own business waiting for something completely random to happen! ^^  
  
Rei: Hey, Ami. Shut up and hand me the popcorn.  
  
Lita: Where's Usagi? She was supposed to be bringing cake! ;_;  
  
Rei: Um……she ran into a little……..*Clears her throat* Accident on the way here.  
  
Ami: Should we be worried?  
  
Rei: Who cares? It's Usagi for crying out loud!  
  
( There's a knock at the door. Mina (yes I'm using her American name too) Gets up and answers it like it's her house)  
  
(Two identical girls (One bigger than the other) with gravity defying hair step in)  
  
Usagi: Like, hi guys! ^^  
  
Rei: Damn……..  
  
Chibi usa: So like………what are you guys doing?  
  
Ami: Absolutely nothing…….like always.  
  
All except Rei: YAY! ^^  
  
Rei: This sucks………lets play Boggle or something.  
  
Usagi: No Boggle like…….fries my brain.  
  
All except Rei and Usagi: Like, totally!  
  
Rei: -_-*  
  
Darien: (Who was suddenly appeared out of thin air.) Hi everybody!  
  
Rei: Greeeeeeeat…….now the ENTIRE "I'm so perfect" Family is here…….  
  
Chibi Usa: (Looks blank) Um…tee hee…….Dad I like, have a present for you.  
  
Darien: Coolies! What is it?  
  
Chibi Usa: *Pulls out a large necklace and throws it a Darien hitting him right in the crotch* Tee hee!  
  
Darien: Ha ha! I feel nothing! Nards of steel! *Swings it around his head*  
  
Rei: *Shuffles some cards* -_- either that or nothings there………  
  
Mina: *Snaps out of a daydream* So what now?  
  
Ami: We fight!!!!  
  
All except Ami: HUH!? O_o  
  
(Some demon type people wearing Jedi costumes jump through the windows thus breaking them. They pull out plastic light sabers and start making annoying swishing noises with their mouths)  
  
Rei: What the……  
  
Darien: YAY! ^^ The plot has finally started!  
  
(Darien quickly turns into tuxedo mask but the demons quickly pound the crap out of him for having such a stupid outfit)  
  
Darien: X_X  
  
Usagi: NOOOOOO!!!!! DARIEN! MY ONE TRUE LOVE! MY ONE TRUE CHIKADEE! (Yes she called him a girl)  
  
Ami: Let us transform and……..GRR!  
  
Rei: -_-*  
  
(several annoying flashy scenes of the scouts transforming come up……..The background suddenly changes and the transformation effects are horribly edited.)  
  
Usagi: (Now Sailor Moon) HA! I will punish you in the name of the moon and stuff!  
  
Rei: (Now Sailor mars) *rolls her eyes* Yeah…….we know. -_-  
  
Ami: Now take this! *Does a useless bubble attack that does no damage to enemies*  
  
Lita: Man, you suck Ami.  
  
Usagi: CHIBI USA!!!!  
  
(Everyone looks over at Chibi usa who is currently sucking on a big lollypop and twirling her hair with her finger.)  
  
Chibi Usa: (Making loud sucking noises) Like…….you guys look soooooooooo dumb! *Keeps sucking on her lollypop*  
  
(A demon type person grabs her)  
  
Chibi usa: Oooooooo you seem like fun! *Keeps sucking*  
  
Rei: O_o;; uh……  
  
Mina: (Breaking the silence that follows) Ok! What shall we do!! *lips keep moving but nothing comes out*  
  
(The demons literately drag Chibi usa out the window breaking stuff as they leave.)  
  
(long pause)  
  
Usagi: NOOOOOO!!!! Bring her back!!!! *Makes a leap for the window*  
  
Lita: *Grabs Usagi in a mid-air leap* Whoa………not that way little buddy.  
  
Usagi: B-but! CHIBI US-Lita…….please don't touch me there.  
  
Lita: Oh………sorry.  
  
Rei: (looks disturbed) Uh…..o….k…….  
  
Usagi: We must save her!  
  
Rei: No, really………she's gone………we can go home.  
  
Usagi: REI!? ;_;  
  
Rei: Ok…..Ok……but don't worry…….I've got…….(Looks shifty) Connections. *Grins evilly and pulls out a cell phone*  
  
(Rei dials a number while all the scouts stare blankly at her.)  
  
Rei: (On the phone)……….hello………yeah………the usual………how long?……….What time?…look I'm in a hurry…….Going in what direction?……cool!………Yeah put pepperoni on that to.  
  
Usagi: (Hoping up and down and pouting like a little girl) Reeeeei? This is no time for pizza. What about Chiibi Usaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha?  
  
Ami: (pulls out her little computer thingy.) Ok…..those guys were part of a renegade mini-mart from hell.  
  
Rei: O_o What?  
  
Ami: I'm not kidding.  
  
Darien: X_X………………  
  
Mina: Ok…….should we give chase or somethin'?  
  
Rei: That would be the obvious thing to do Mina. -_-……..as long as……..  
  
Luna and airtimes: (Interrupting rei) THE KITTIES ARE HERE!!!! ^^  
  
Rei:……..the cats don't come.  
  
Darien: X_X  
  
Mina: YAY! *Hugs Airtimes close to her cleavage*  
  
Airtimes: ^^ I love this job!  
  
Rei: *Smacks herself in the face* Can we go now?  
  
All except Rei: YAY!!  
  
(They all run off leaving Darien's carcass laying in the floor.)  
  
Darien: X_X………………  
  
(The scene changes outside. The scouts are standing on a sidewalk waiting on bus. There are lots of perverted hobos walking by staring hard because night in Tokyo sucks.)  
  
Rei: -_- Why are we waiting for a bus?  
  
Ami: Because me (Being the smart one) suggested it!  
  
Rei: Erm…….yeah.  
  
Usagi:…………..Darien.  
  
Rei: Ok, Usagi! You can stop saying that! It's getting really annoying! *Rubs her arms* It's cold out here!  
  
Lita: (Grinning.) I've got a solution for that. *Makes Grabby-Grabby motions with her man sized hands*  
  
Rei: (looks disturbed) O_o uh……….  
  
Mina: YAY! The bus is coming! ^_^  
  
(A bus pulls up. Before they can get on some butt ugly female demons drop from the air)  
  
Demons: We are the obviously evil people, that are about to get are asses kicked by you with weird annoying flashy attacks!  
  
All the scouts: Uh………  
  
Usagi: I've got what it takes to beat you and stuff!!! *Strikes a heroic yet girly pose*  
  
Ami: LETS GET BUSY!!!!  
  
(A battle ensues. There are lots of loud screams, loud slapping noises ,boobs popping out and hair flying everywhere.)  
  
Demon: (Laying on the ground all bruised up in unnatural positions) ACK! WE HAVE FAILED MISERABLY AND WILL NOW TURN INTO SOME WEIRD RANDOM OBJECT!!!  
  
(They all turn into random objects such as broken toys and garden hoses)  
  
Rei: O….k……  
  
Ami: Now! The bus!  
  
(The bus begins to pull off. All the Sailor scouts easily jump on the back except for Usagi who falls flat on her face.)  
  
Usagi: AH! I HAVE FALLEN FLAT ON MY FACE!!!!!!!  
  
Rei: Well it looks like she isn't going to make it………ah well she wasn't all that good anyway.  
  
Lita: (Holding her hand out) GRAB MY HAND!!!!!  
  
Usagi: (Running behind the bus) Uh………I'd rather not……..  
  
Lita: JUST GRAB ON!!!!!  
  
Usagi: (Still chasing the bus) Uh………OK!  
  
(In slow motion: Usagi is desperately trying to grab on to Jupiter's hand and Rei is trying to pull Lita back so she can't help Usagi so she won't be all stupid and annoy everybody for the rest of this fic. Despite of Rei's efforts Usagi still grabs on to Lita's hand)  
  
Rei: Damn………oh well……..I'll get her next time.  
  
Lita: (Who still hasn't pulled Usagi on the bus) YAY! ^^  
  
Usagi: Will you please pull me on now?  
  
Lita: Oh……  
  
(Lita pulls Usagi on the bus getting a good "Feel" as she does.)  
  
Ami: Hey Jupiter……….you're not gay are you?  
  
Lita: O_O I……I……Uh………  
  
Mina: (Interrupting Lita) SAILOR SENSHI ROCK!  
  
Rei: -_-*  
  
(Loud obvious footstep are heard from the top of the bus)  
  
Ami: (Stating the obvious) They know where here!!!!!  
  
Lita:………where are the cats?  
  
Rei: ^^;;……….Uh……*Wipes some blood off her glove* I made them stay behind.  
  
Lita: Oh………….ok! ^_^  
  
Usagi: Ok………we'd better go up there.  
  
(The Senshi form a chain and they stand on each others shoulders so that they can reach the top. Jupiter gladly volunteers to be on the bottom for reasons unknown.)  
  
(They all get to the top and beat the shit out of more demons that are waiting. A familiar lesbian Sailor scout with short blond hair blobs nearby.)  
  
Uranus: Now you must fight me!  
  
Usagi: Uh……….what are you doing here?  
  
Uranus: (If you look under the rolls of fat she actually looks surprised.) GASP! It's you!  
  
Lita: URANUS! I see you never got that sex change! AHA!  
  
Uranus: Oh yeah……..well what do you call…….*Steps forward* These?  
  
(Uranus shakes her boobs wildly so that they look like paper bags.)  
  
All except Uranus: OH MY GOD!!!!!  
  
(Everyone except Uranus starts vomiting for a really long time)  
  
(A/N: That was sick……..*starts vomiting*)  
  
Rei: *stops puking* You transsexual freak!  
  
Uranus: Now prepare to be beaten!  
  
(Uranus starts fighting the inner senshi while "Play That Funky Music White- Boy" plays in the background.)  
  
(Uranus slips over her own blubber and falls off the bus.)  
  
Uranus: Whoa!  
  
Sfx: *thump!!*  
  
Rei: Well, that was easier than I thought it was going to be……….  
  
Usagi:…………PIE!!!!  
  
To Be continued……..OH MY GOD! THERE'S MORE!!!!!!!! *faints*  
  
Maxcell: Ok………If you flame me for this you are without a doubt a true idiot. I Put a notice at the beginning. Remember I LIKE ALL THE CHARACTERS!!! Regardless I might bash most of them I think "Most" of them are cool. SO NO FLAMERS!!!! 


End file.
